I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize