There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
