So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
