Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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