My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
