I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
