I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
