my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
