it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
