I wish my penis had an off switch
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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