I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
