You're completely useless in the revolution.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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