i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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