when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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