when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
