I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
