I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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