U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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