we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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