Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i think my cat just said my name.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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