shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
