Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
