Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
