Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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