id be glad to
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
