I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize