If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
