Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
