nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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