Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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