based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My penis needs a shock collar
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
