false alarm. still invincible.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
