This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
