so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
