im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
