If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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