Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i've created a new STD.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
