the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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