Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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