I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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