I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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