I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
