I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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