my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
