Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
