"it" just moved
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
