census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
