He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
