so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
