I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think I sprained my soul last night
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize