I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
