Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
