you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize