I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
