no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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