Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize