that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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