You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
