Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize