Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Your dad touched me again.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
