I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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