I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
