I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
it glows. i had to have it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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