I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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