you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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