He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Come on in and take your pants off
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