He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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