Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I am mentally ready for anal.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
