I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
