Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm at about main and main street
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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