wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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