Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
