Someone shit on the floor
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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