I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
