3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
