toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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