the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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