; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
