it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
