At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
