and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
