you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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