Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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