I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize