Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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