How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I love you. Go after that dick
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
