two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
MIDGETS
????
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
