I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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