i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
