11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
