i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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