he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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