Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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