my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize