Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
